Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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