Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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