thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
