at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
