woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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