If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If that was your dad, he is hot
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
