Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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