I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
