well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize