Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
