Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
