please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
