I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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