she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
