I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize