I only kidnapped one of them. chill
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
