The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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