i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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