Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize