Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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