but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
