remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
