Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
