Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
