I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My liver just broke up with me...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
