I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
