Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
