I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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