I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
