And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
