I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
