You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
