she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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