my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
