cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
