question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
