I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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