Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I understand Curling. That high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
