the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
