suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
