Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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