Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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