So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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