Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
