My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
