can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Soap is not a condiment
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
