why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
