I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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