Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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