There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
