clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
