the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
