Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're like the curious george of whores
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize