I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
