i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
