i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Randomize
