I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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