your thong is hanging out like whoa
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
