He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
