Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
