WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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