ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's blow job season.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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