The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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