the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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