Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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