pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
