I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
