if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
