where am i from again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
