he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
