so let's talk penis.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
