he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
