Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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