"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
