Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
