We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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