im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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