you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
