You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
