I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
