Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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