Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
