a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
