She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
