i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
