Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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