I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
