I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
