Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
