What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
