She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
