btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
