I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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